Musiq Soulchild: "Don't change"

"The way I feel for you will always be the same
Just as long as your love don't change."

this is when the song really comes into play. sigh. 

I like having someone to dress for.

i think a girl would know what i mean. :D

LMAO.

currently online. and somehow thought to look through old myspace comments.
hahahahha it's funny to see how some things started, what i've discussed with people, and how i viewed someone so completely different compared to now. hahha. damn things change.
hahaha.

lol that just made my morninggggg.

well except this stupid paper and conference i have today.
ahh wish me luck.
i was supposed to pull an allnighter for english.
but i suck. and i chose to drift off and take a "nap".
woke up a couple times. and now i gotta speeed to write.
damn telling myself no more last minute shit til the semesters over.
but hey registration date is december 14!
ahhh cant wait to choose new shit to take.
fuck these stupid classes, feel like im relearning high school crap.
let's move on and advance. chyeah. i can do better.
no more slackin!

but yeah.

2 month was awesome. went to bed feeling hella warm.
that boy does know how to make me smile.

job's been feeling kinda easy lately.
so far. orientation and a potluck. haha not so complicated right?
met new peeps though too. glad theres a lot close to my age.
like the environment. but damn those drives home later at night. eeeeep scary! haha

ive been scared to drive at night lately a lot especially if im by myself.
i look to find people that can go with me if i can.

been feeling kinda distant from some friends. it kinda sucks.
but it just means things are changing again. there are a lot of influences that affect it.
it just goes to show that if they really mean anything in my life, things will always bring us to back to chill nights again. and we'll all understand.

ok no more distractions. ill write another time.

toodles.

I concur that:

Singing and listening to music, phone conversations, and people giving a fuck about anything,

are the only things that can make me sane.

Really though.

i KNOW we all have to move on.

but right now. im not liking change.

its like basically to me, oh forget about this person and say goodbye. and dont even bother to keep in touch.

thats harsh, right?
but it's life. yes, yes, yes...i know..

and thing is i CAN move on, but sometimes its just a preference that i'd rather keep people IN my life.

like right now, looking back at pictures, it makes me remember like damn, i used to HELLLLA talk to this person. what happened?
oh that's right. we all moved on with our lives.
i'm such a girl. when it comes to this type of stuff.


but damn, reminiscing on old pictures just brings back really good memories and all the fun things i used to get myself into. haha. just one thing after the next. and all the groups. lol and all the asians. i miss it.

but hey, all i can say right now, well ever...is

"i miss it."

cant do much about it except to miss.
anyone else would say, get over it. but you know what, just lemme feel what i feel. shut the fuck up.

and the other day, i went to go chill at the creek/lake with my friend, and she was just having a bad week. and its just crazy to think and look where we are now. ive known her since i was 5 years old. and to see how we grew up and came to be, i mean, even though we kind of separated for a while at different schools, it shows shes a real legitimate caring friend because were still in each others lives. im happy about that.
but damn to look where we are now. like holy shit. haha.

we grown. hahah fuckkkk.

ionno. its just something to think about. cuz i remember being young and looking up at other 18 year old people. it had just seem different.
i cant believe IM 18. my brothers gonna be 18 in two years.
hes gonnna be old. im gonna be old.

this shits weird.

well this...is...life.

lets hope i do well. lets see what comes my way.

ahhhh.....

grown up.

The more and more you grow up, you learn to count on yourself, and only yourself. Because people don't know how to be consistent sometimes, leave you, or no one is trust worthy enough.

but then don't you feel alone?

i don't know how to be alone. i'm always looking for company.

just a comment i wanted to mention. yfeel?

I told myself:

Family first.

yet i always seem to fail to do so. :/

and i feel hella bad. my little cousin cried today. ahhh. i was with her throughout the morning, taking care of her. then i went back to my house to take a shower and get ready to go to practice. then she came over the house, and said she was lonely and wanted to hang out. but her seeing me get ready to go somewhere made her cry, cuz i was "leaving". ahh it broke my heart. and she was feeling even more neglected, because there was no one currently at her house watching her, AND my brother had to be a jerk, and wouldnt let her just watch him play games, cuz he was talking to a friend.
i don't wanna be the person that was the one who left her while she was growing up. that's such a bad feeling to have. but now, it seems like i can never be at home and there for her. she's just a little 5 year old. and im supposed to be her role model/figure, her support. i feel SO SO SO SO SO bad.
ugh. its hard to have a balance.
theres so many things to juggle, the more and more you grow up. and you just have to learn what's your priorities AND what u have time for. but damn. i need to be home more, and just spend time with her like i used to. i WANT to be there for her growing up.

and ahh im missing family stuff too! they were all cooking/prepping this meat thing for a birthday this weekend. and i'd said i'd help, but by the time i came home they were all done. ugh. i hella tried leaving practice early to make it home too to help, but then, as always, there's random things that come up, that distract me and i try to hang out instead. i ended up hitting a eg park barbecue thing, then we went to old navy, and i just missed family bonding time. why, jennyyyyyy, why? it's just hard to say "next time" i'll be there because i might just end up doing the same shit.

sigh.
i need to change that.

ive also been missing out kicking it with the crew. theres just different groups and different people to hang out with, and its hard to choose just one and sometimes they all interfere at the same time. i just dont wanna miss out on those "epic" nights, ykno? where its like "ohhh remember, when so and so (insert something  really stupid/hilarious). ahh.....i wanna be a part of the memories. i dont like to miss out. i really dont.

what happened?
where and what am i doing, going to?

change just keeps occurring mayn. can't stop it.

then im also afraid,  that getting a job, will make me have less time to see people. cuz i know friends who thats all they do, just work. and they never have time to do anything else for themselves, family, and friends.
it just all consists of the same routine of working, because obviously its not that easy to get a schedule that only has a couple of days/hours.

i feel bad. i just dont wanna miss out on anything. because thats how i am as a person.
like i cant even/dont wanna be the first person to say goodbye. id rather be the last, so i wont "miss out" on anything. yeah weird.. but oh well. w/e.


where is my life heading to?

get. priorities. straight.
MAKE TIME.
don't forget family first, jen. keep reminding yourself.
im trying my best.
because i care.
i won't abandon you.
i don't want to.

what the fuckkkkkkkk. ahh.
things have changed. once again.
gotta deal.

i miss you right now. where are you?

GOODBYE.