Why change something when it's going good?

:|

I cant believe its come to this, but

i think we wont be in each other lives anymore.

youre just simply hanging out with other friends and you seem happy
but you dont even bother to make the effort with me and the other anymore.

you moved on.

i mean im still here. but things just changed. [as always...]

and besides ur fucking hella moody too much.
so i guess you could say, the patience is done.


stop being a jerk, asshole.

i still want you to be one of my good friends.
but i think you just simply moved on.

and i guess im not dropping you. its just...ill see you when i see you.
unfortunately...

blah.


oh hey, dont use people...

Shit. my phone's acting up. buttons dont work sometimes. mannn i always break electronic things.

Do you pay attention?

Man i'm up hella late. its almost 5 in the morning. yet theres no one on to stay up with. dang oh well.

There's just something about music that makes me feel so good inside.

With each song that's played and im able to sing the lyrics...
in my mind, tonnnnssss of flashbacks play through my mind.

cuz shit, today, isaiah played "cater to you" by passion.

and i was likeeeee shittt. hahha that was sophomore year. back when it was the trio, me, melv, and taylor.

damn..nostalgia gets to me ALL the time.
it makes me think like damn. what a good time.
i wanna feel that way again.

ionno. i just like to look back on memories a lot. i get a smile whenever its a really good one.

we did hella shit when we were younger. why arent we now? when we have more possibilities and opportunities? are we just getting old? have we learned to forget each other time? we dont always need to be independent.

but yeah.

Coincidences make me smile :D

I think when you have time to just sit down and THINK, that's when it can get a little too crazy.

i see that in myself and in other people.

I just want a REALLY GOOD NICE conversation via voice/phone or aim.

people just dont talk besides small talk these days anymore.


see i cant even verbalize these thoughts to anyone.

no ones listening. i gotta type em down.

blahhhhhhh. okay im done. i dont wanna post nemore.

I love the way slowjams makes me feel. I like thinking about you, and the way THAT makes me feel. i love that warm feeling i get in my body.

i dont want to push you away.

i care.
you can trust me.
im here.
<3
you know.

Mother just put a new responsibility on me.

Dang.

well good luck with her shit too though.
there's DEFINITELY gnna be hella changes soon.

mom, dad, don't fight.

moneyyyyyy. why do you have to be such an issue in people's live these days?

ahhhhhhhh. i really feel like im just waiting for something epic to happen.

i miss friends.
i just want to make hella fun memories.


i want to get on this happy, giddy, laugh all the time high.

what is happening to everyone and everything?

grr.

Man i hate it when people are like: "i'm hella bored". then when you hear that, then youre like shoot, i'm bored too, but you didnt realize you were bored, you were just chill. now you're like -__-. yeah. haha. fuck.

Anticipation. Anxiety. Ahh. & Responsibility. & Life. Double Ahh.

I'm crazy. Don't let me think too much, i guess. haha. uhhhh just keep busy and you'll be fine.

Hey.

Constantly looking back on what used to be. Why change something, when it’s so good?
Reminiscing on all the bomb ass memories, when everyone was feeling the same perfect mood.
Each and every day that passes by I realize we’re all growing up
The more and more we grow up, I also realized you gotta build a skin so tough
Many things will come your way with all the goods and the bads
Just gotta keep yourself in check, and enjoy the moment, even though you might be mad
The present is a gift, and that’s something that you should always remember
Cause what might be here right now, later might no longer be there
One thing I ask is, don’t forget
What we have built up to what we have now and starting from the first day we all met
Consistency is all I need for my mind to keep sane
Because it reassures me that in my life currently, you still want to remain
It’s hard when there’s a point you know some of us all might move on
And right there, that’s the hardest point when you know you gotta be strong
All I want to do is keep you and you and you and you
I don’t need to find anyone else new
You are the people I look forward to and count on in my life
But right now, you guys got me asking, where are you?


[this is why i hate feeling alone.]

whattabitch.

Prove/show me wrong, and I'll stop defending. Mmhmm.

"Grab my body baby, hold my heart, don't break it, it is yours." -J. Holiday

Where is everybody?!?!?! Missin the bf and friends. Urgh. Feeling alone.

Please be different from all the others. I don't wanna feel like it's only convinced in my mind.

Keith Sweat:: "Nobody"

You make me feel like i've never felt before.


i get to put my heart to use, and to its potential.

sometimes it's weird when there's TOO MANY coincidences.

its like someone's reading your mind.




weird...i know.

i want the feeling of an adventure. i wanna stay up all night doing things we've never done before. lets just explore. have fun. make awesome last-longing memories.

that's what im waiting for.

because youth isnt forever in the body.

Why is time flying by soooo quick?

Let's put this on cruise mode.

in a way, i feel like i'm waiting for something.



listening to:
tbs: a decade under the influence
ashanti: scared
mariah carey: i wish you knew
& stay the night

i know i'm ready to fall in love with someone. i'm just waiting patiently on my end. sigh.

Don't be afraid.

Happy. <3

*satisfied sigh*

:]

can't sleep.

in the mood for a conversation.
but everyone's sleeping.

taking a nap, and waking up from it late at night hella screws up your sleep pattern.
just realized that. haha. shitttt.

should i wake up early tomorrow to finish my xmas shopping?
i think ill try.

hellllllla wanna dye my tips of my bangs red so that it matches the debut dress for diana. that'd be hella fucking sick.


well no one's up. so im singing to myself.
goodnight.
merry christmas eve.

i miss friends.

i miss the all the kickits.

last year we were all trying to go ice skating.

basically i wish there was more contact.


again, we're all doing our own thing....

i just want a nice chat on aim.

well overall, i miss you friends.

every now and then, a slowjam/love song reminds me of how i feel for you.

dont wanna piss you off ever, or lose you.

The scent of you is still on me.

Oh, the things i think of.
And there's good music playing. mmmm.

im so stupid. i need to stop.

alright note to self:


clean motherfucking slate.

stop being insecure, no doubt, no fear, no defensiveness.

just fucking relax.


dont let a good thing go.

<3

Now i'm fucking irritated.

my trust level just went up again. -__- UGHHHHHH.

i JUST started to stop doubting, being defensive.

wtffff.

ugh, help me.

Why do i even doubt? he makes me feel better each time after having discussed things through.

basically, i need to stop letting my fears, and my worries, trust issues, and my insecurities get to the best of me.

doubting is unnecessary.

glad he's mature to talk about it.

i just need to learn how to stop being defensive. let him in. FULLY.

goodnight and sweet dreams.

grateful every day.

You're making me hold back, and I don't want to. How much are you invested in this relationship? Are you even at all? I don't wanna have to rethink things. I know what I want and it's to be with you. But do I have to end things so that I can protect my heart? Do you want to be with me? CAN you have the possibility to love me? I don't want to leave you. I still want you in my life. Just don't forget about me. I don't get enough attention from you and it necessarily doesn't mean for you to text me more. I don't wanna write anymore. -_-

You do not know me. At all. Work with me. Work FOR me.

There are so many good people in my life, why do I still feel so alone?

Sigh. it's hard being a girl and not getting enough attention you want. but you don't want to seem like you're asking for much. because if you do, it's not the most attractive thing.

No one else can have YOUR emotions. They can only just relate.

Damn why am i so excited and filled with tons of butterflies? ^_^

i guess i just can't wait to finish English and be doneeee with that teacher.
and oh well. i might not pass. ill just have to deal and retake. but i aint trippin.
it'll be what it'll be.

i just wont have to stress as much anymore. :]

and tonight. im gonna dress up. i havent done in so long. i wanna look good for my man. haha. :D
im happy. im in a good mood.

tonight will be just fine.
or i'll make it so. ;] heehee

You really do have to be calm to do something efficient.

I wish someone knew me inside-out.

So there would be no need to explain something. they'd just know. they would just understand.

things just aren't that easy though.

currently listening to Alicia Keys: "Like you'll never see me again" but live. Mmmm.

i'm tired. im exhausted. God, help me get through these next two days. especially these two.

grateful for life.

Is it just me, or are there a lot of hearts aching right now?

a friend just called me crying, and im not gonna publicize people's business. and i wont. no need to.

but damn. this whole week. i swear. theres just so much stress with school and personal issues.
its such a hard week mayn.

i swear, ive come across three friends crying, and needing someone to talk to this week.
people are just unhappy right now, i guess.

or somethings bothering each of us. but theres no reasoning behind it.
its just a feeling of the moment and we dont know what it is.
or somethings bothering us. and we really want to hear something, but we dont receive it.
or thought it was going to be different this time.

were all looking for something. something to spark happiness.

what is going on?

damn shit. really tough week.
lets get through this together.

Why is it that i can't seem to find someone to count on?

Please let this work. i really really reallly want it to. PLEASE?

Spur of the moment.

i want to live for someone who needed me. how endearing would that be.

i like remembering small things/details when remembering a past occurrence.
ike he/she said that, did that. that's why i remember...blah blah. that leads to blah blah.

haha. yeah.

girls relate with one main thing, their heart. fear to have it broken, fear of letting their guard down to someone who WASN'T worth it.

best friend. big word. in my mind.

when you start your day early, there's SO MUCH to do in a day. i like that.

Don't waste time.

Do i know that everything's okay?

No.

I like that i take the first steps and a risk because if i didn't, none of it wouldn't have happened.

Random thing to mention: sometimes i wish people didnt care about money. kinda sick of hearing about it.
what happened to not being materialistic?


grateful for everything right now. wanna make the best out of it. live in the moment fsho.

Do for good.

throughout my whole life, ive been raised to please others first. and i learned that from my momma.

and i realized....

thats the one and only main thing that sparks my happiness. no joke, no lie. the truth.

you know that common saying where u should do something that makes u happy first, and stop worrying about pleasing others? [well thats mainly w lifelong careers] but im applying this with my joy i get as a person.

i really do get happy if i see someone happy. i feed off of it. 

ill continue later. just got majorly distracted. and now lazy.

Christmas lights and acoustics make me feel so warm during this time.

excitement. relaxation. xmas break. holidays. enjoyment.

cant wait.

If this shit fucking ends up working out,

I'D BE THE FUCKING ILLEST GIRLFRIEND EVER. HAHAHAHHAHAHA.

HELLA DETERMINED.

My heart just feels hella GOOOOOD.

did i just let my whole guard down?