Better :]

TOOODAYYYY.

I don't wanna lose people.
Realized paranoia is the cause of all my problems/arguments.
Weather was beautiful today.
I fucking love the wind. 
No words have to be said. You can just tell by body language to determine a person's mood.
Today had goods and some downs.
but balance is all you need.
Very nice to take me in today and actually CHILL with me. Very nice.
Nervous, anxious, excited. Sleepover perhaps?
Music soothes my soul.
Craving for adventure and even more spontaneity.
Keep feeling like there's always gonna be more and more to take on.
I'm not done.
Keep persisting til I'm satisfied or feel accomplished/finished.

I keep getting scared my procastination is something hella ugly to him and turns him away.

I want to sleep so bad...:'[

I'm so exhausted to the point that I'm actually crying because I'm so tired.

Barely catching up on eating,
need to catch up on sleep,
being sick for a while, 
finish building this bunk bed frame all by myself,
it's so draining, my hands are blistered,
finishing my chem hw, and that stupid lab, which i dont even know how to do,
doing my comms speech that i need to make up on,
the emotional wear from other people,
driving so much,
i'm just tired.

i wanna sleep away and just fall asleep under the stars.
and relax.

thats why i always choose to relax,
i hate the feeling of worry when im stressed and just exhausted.

i want to rest so bad. but i have obligations and duties i have to do.

There's nothing like actually being there, wherever you'd like to be. Cause it's the real thing/experience. You can touch, feel it, grasp it.

R O L L E R S K A T I N G.

*mouth waters*

i get hellllllla anxiety whenever i think i can go. don't let me down. let me goooooo. get that rollerskating high. haha. :] i need to get it and be away. can't focus.

If I tie my hair around you, that means i'm COMPLETELY comfortable.

I just want to spend the day with you. The weather is SO nice!

I can't believe it's been half a year. Happy 6 months baby. I wish I couldve talked to you more today. But thank you for treating me better than anyone else could. I actually want to come to you when I need comfort/support.

I can't help but feel that I'm not done for the day, that I'm not finished, that more could have been said/done, that there simply could have just been more to the day.

Happy he spent a whole day with me. And understood how I felt.

It's happening again. Please don't let 7th grade repeat itself.

My heart would not be able to take it again. I can't.

I hate choosing homework over spending quality time with my little cousins.

Because quality time is what they're gonna remember when they grow up.
But no they're gonna remember that i rejected them to do my stinking homework.
There's this guilty feeling i get.
But then again, studies are important.
But still. I don't like choosing.
It's hard to be in a position where i have to choose between my boyfriend and friends too.

shit.

Sometimes i just don't know how to put myself first.

I'd rather care too much, than to not care at all.

What's a car without a destination?

Isn't its purpose to get a person from point A to point B?
Well, I ask again, what's a car without a destination?

You think it's always better to know, that to not?

Maybe I think so. Most of the time, I would rather know.

Enough of this "separate", Let's be "together".

I just had a thought.
I keep thinking oh, i'm not that important right now compared to blah blah other shit you got to do.
In regards to talking to anybody.
It just made me think, well, i want to be a priority to somebody.
I want to be important to you, whoever that is.
The way i put certain people as my priorities.
I don't want to be the last thing on your list.
I want to matter to you just as much as you do to me.

Make sense?

My energy's on & off. I have hella energy at one point to do a thing. Then the next, i'll just be hella tired and wanna crash.

Where's the switch button?

I feel good, my heart's feeling warm. But there's just something about today. Like i'm not ready to finish the day. It's not over. I'm not done yet. There can be more.

Keep going. Push yourself. Motivation. Finish, so you don't have to worry later.

I miss those days in summer where days felt numerous, obligations or responsibilities weren't really that necessary, adventures were possible to occur at anytime of the day, and anything just seemed quite possible.

I'm not gonna lie,

I like it when people hit me up when they're bored.

to converse or hang out.

makes me not feel alone.

I say that word too much.

MEMORIES.

<3

I want one of those days, when you fall asleep, and it just feels that the whole world is all alright and okay for a moment.

For a moment, it feels like there's nothing wrong. That people are content.

Opposites.

Whenever i'm motivated, everyone's hella lazy.
When i'm lazy, everyone's on top of their shit and productive. haha.
When i'm lonely, everyone's having hella fun.
When i'm having a good time, people got drama.

Stability mayn. Where is it at?

When guys hit on girls while driving on the street,

what makes em think that it'll go anywhere further than a "holler"?
haha is the girl supposed to stop her car and be like omg, i'm sooo interested.
haha let me get them digits.

SIKE. haha.

forreals tho. whenever i get hit on while im driving, and some dude yells through his car, im just like, really?? really? haha
and just laugh and keep on driving.

have fun with that ya weirdo. hahaha.

Just when i get used to not having that something,

It teases me right back and runs right under my nose giving me a sniff, making me wanting a bite of that taste.


Urgh. Don't let me be lonely, God.

For once...

I kinda just don't wanna talk to anybody.

I'm falling.

And there's no where else i'd rather be.

Let's cuddle up and watch a movie. Weather fits. Homework can be finished EASY tomorrow morning.

Let's relaxxxxx.

I choose to relax too much. ahha. I mean hey, it's a better option.

"You're just fun to talk to."

See that's starting to get really weird, cuz im hearing it from guys, when they text me and shit, and im just like, am i actually really cool to talk to, my "one of the guys" thing happening, or is it just something completely different. yeah. haha..

I mean its nice to hear and all, but yet still really weird to hear. hahah i chuckle at it.

Today was a "really good mood" day :D

Saw Elise for a bit. got to see her new phone!
ahha cuz of our epic day the day before where she accidentally broke it, while i asked when she's gonna get a new phone. ahh the irony. lol.
Tried a strawberry rice krispie. it was weird. hahhahaha. new thing though.
Then hubby hit me up. Fshooo.
Then i stopped by to talk to Monica Topete at school. and we had an awesome conversation.
haha it was so unexpected. and we bonded and got cooler. haha. :]
then hung out with the boyfriend. made me giddy and that was the start to putting me in a good mood the whole day. its been a while.
Ran into Amanda and Graham today too. Randommmm.

And today Chris said the cutest thing to me today that he's ever said. haha i really liked it.

im just having that positive good energy again. :D
keeeeeeeeeeppppp itttttttt goooinnnnngggggggggg.


I also like spending rainy days being out and about with people and not stuck in my room.

:]]]]
im feeling good.

I wanna spend time with you. Not a quick drop-by.

If I could, I'd walk around the house in my underwear. haha.

"Come here rude boy, boy, can you get it up?"

-Rihanna

It's been stuck in my headdddd. stuck on the song.

I LOOOOVE random opportunities.

Thank youuuuuuuuuuu. I'm so happy/giddy/excited.

You never know what could happen. :]

I like when we watch something together, and I'll legitimately laugh at something out loud, and you'll look at me as if I did something really cute.

^__^

I know i need to change my ways. I'm wayyyy too defensive about everyone and everything. As if everyone's out to get me.

They're not.
"There's a difference between knowing and doing."

I'm learning. 

Small world.

[on my way walking to comms class, around 7:50 in the morning.]

S: *smiles* Hey. I knew i've seen you somewhere else.
J: *confused* *thinking: who are you?* Are you that guy who gave me a ride in the garage cuz i couldn't find my car. ohhh wait, nvm, it's that guy that transferred to work at old navy that i used to work at and talked to me at the register.
hahaha.

Nice to meet you, Seylin. See you around.

Got to listen to a classmate play the ukulele today too! its been a long while! one of the things that made my day.

Friday, February 26, 2010. Damn i missed the crew.

5 boys. 5 girls. 
Connection's not there anymore. I miss bonding with everyone.
Nice that mike came up to me and asked if i was okay and rubbed my shoulders like i was getting ready to wrestle someone. haha.

"This isn't just about you, this is about us."

First time hearing that. Never had anyone point out that it wasn't about me.
Weird thing is, that's the first time I've ever only talked about me.
I've always talked about other people's feelings in consideration.

I know I act stupid when I act on my temper, anger, spur of the moment.

Bad ideas...

Damn a three-way phone conversation would be fun right now like the good old days.

Too bad it's not possible, cuz we aren't even friends right now.