This is where i will pour out my heart. because i will not show/ tell anyone about this, unless they find it and read it. thats fine with me. but i just want a spot where i can blog and not have to worry about anyone reading it. because its a natural habit to edit something on a different blogspot, so it doesnt create this type of thought or judgment towards me. or w/e. ykno?
anyways....
how does one stop contradicting themselves?
like i realized helllla that i dont know how to stand up for myself
or utter my opinions w/o stumbling and not knowing how i came up wit the opinion.
basically i dont have a support for what i say.
i need to learn, and read more, and just know things.
and i need to choose one side, not both sides. hmm. i guess im just used to being the best of both worlds in the majority of things.
i dont think you (plural) miss me, as much as i miss you.
also like seriously, where the fuck are people when you need them?
___&____ supposedly my hella good friends cannnot be there.
what happened to being real? and friends being there for the joyness of their company?
i have yet to find someone i can count on, the way i do my ABSOLUTE BEST for others.
i try to make a difference, i try to be the one that dedicates my heart/time to you, anyone.
i want to be DIFFERENT.
but i think sometimes i try too hard to be different. its okay to be the same sometimes.
what else? i wanna talk about.
my dad doesnt love me anymore. like he used to when i was younger. he replaced me with hannah.
i do shit he doesnt like. it creates a grudge. fuck myself. i need to learn. i miss things.
i look back too much.
why?
because people ALWAYS SCREW ME OVER.
i will build up a wall, and when i choose to let it down, they change their minds, and choose to leave me on the side.
thats why im hesitant to be affectionate sometimes, like i want to be like that, but then i think people take it for granted, and just arent there anymore.
you arent my best friend. & i dont love you.
but i want to believe so. Sigh. major sigh.
i wonder what everyone is up to nowadays from middle school. i hope theyre living a good life. dont do stupid shit. stay strong and living. and surving. shit...
i wanna mean someone to somebody.
i want to love with ALL of my heart.
i dont wanna wait anymore.
i need a destination.
i need something to work at.
i need someone/something to make me happy again.
i need to find someone/thing i can dedicate myself to.
i just want. someone. to care.
ai. :/ someday...oneday...life has reasons. everything is meant to be. everything will flow. everything will work out.
it really just depends on how you view it.
be optimistic dont forget.
do you care?
ill end it with that.
its 8:37. are you loved?
later skater. later days.
sigh.
why do i keep looking back? because the beginning is always good. am i wrong?
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